So I'm having kind of an internal crisis, and I'm not completely sure what to do, or even how to feel about it. So, I'd appreciate some help.
Recently, I've been in a rather good mood.
Not rare, not very different, not surprising. I like to think of myself as a happy kind of person. I am full to the max with HATE, but at the same time, I'm really a very happy girl.
But, this kind of happy is a very depressing kind of happy.
I've heard how when people are dying, they feel very kind of happy and at peace and calm and all that, and oddly, that's how I've been feeling.
Coupled with that is a very prominent desire to stop living.
I'm not depressed, like I said, so I don't really have any REASON to want to stop being alive aside from the fact that everything just seems so boring to me. Every day is just a repetition of the last with a few minor changes.
I understand that I'm only sixteen years old, and as everyone says 'I've got my whole life ahead of me', but honestly, at this point what's ahead of me doesn't exactly look all that appealing.
I've also heard '

ermanent solution to a temporary problem.'
The PROBLEM with that, though, is that I don't have a problem.
Honestly, if I were to die right now, I'd be a hundred times happier than I am sitting here alive wasting my life on nothing.
I've considered the possibility of 'going out and trying something new' or 'getting a hobby', but honestly there's nothing I'm especially impassioned about.
Even everything I like seems stale and boring now, and I'm becoming increasingly jaded, which is depressing for someone my age. I can't look around and see the positive anymore like I used to be so proud of being able to do. I hate everything I see and half of everyone around me, and the future looks just as bleak.
I haven't exactly lived my life to the fullest, I kind of just went where the wind blew me.
I never really hung out with the kinds of people I wanted to hang out with (save for a short time that ended when I inevitably got bored of them like I'm so depressingly prone to doing), I've never done the kinds of things I wanted to do, and I haven't experienced things that most other people HAVE.
Despite that, I've remained HAPPY through my entire life. I've always managed to be content with what I had and who I was with just enough to keep me going.
Unfortunately, somehow, that's changed and for the last long while there's been nothing I've been able to do about it.
I'm growing increasingly troubled with my mental state, which isn't adding to the good side of things, either. I honestly believe I'm going crazy, and that just makes the future look quite a bit worse.
So.
What?
What do I do?
What do I make of this?
How can I get my life back on track in some form, so I don't hate everything?
Do you know anywhere I can get good medication so I stop feeling so completely and totally mentally disturbed?
Failing all of that, what's a fabulous way to kill myself? Because if I go out, I either want to go out in a quick, painless, totally un-humiliating way, OR, I want to make a big bang and scare the shit out of dozens of onlookers.
You know.
Just so I can make the mark in history I feel I so rightly deserve.
I've kind of considered hanging myself in a tree near my house in the next few days so people will think I'm a Halloween decoration for a while, just like that one lady.
But I dunno if I'm ready to make any decisions just yet, and so if I want to do that one, I'll have to wait till next year.
ANYWAY, this is going on rather long, so I'll wrap it up.
If anyone wants to chill or whatever, now might be a good time. I'm in a pretty good mood so I won't be mopey and depressing like I sometimes am. Also, WHAT THE FUCK IS EVERYONE DOING FOR HALLOWEEEEN? Aside from advice as to what to do with my waste-of-a-life, let me know your super awesome sexy Halloween plans <3
I'm not doing anything so if you tell me some awesome stuff I'll just live through you this year =]
ANYWAY BUHBYE AND I LOVE YOU AND STUFF. LOOK FORWARD TO ME DELETING THIS JOURNAL IN 2 WEEKS WHEN I INEVITABLY HATE MYSELF FOR WHINING TO THE INTERNET AND WANT TO DELETE ALL EVIDENCE THAT I'VE DONE IT.
Devious Comments
Many thanks for the
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#1 NaruHina Fangirl!
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Phoenix: Trucy! Who have you been texting all this time?!
Trucy: IDK my BFF Mr. Hat?
Well goddamn >:/
At least it's not Machi. Cause I love that kid.
WELLLL.... -inocent face-
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Phoenix: Trucy! Who have you been texting all this time?!
Trucy: IDK my BFF Mr. Hat?
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Phoenix: Trucy! Who have you been texting all this time?!
Trucy: IDK my BFF Mr. Hat?
I found AJ really fast to beat. The 1st took some time, 2nd was EASY, 3 was middle.
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Phoenix: Trucy! Who have you been texting all this time?!
Trucy: IDK my BFF Mr. Hat?
It's SO awesome
But I hope you are proud, cause beforeee when you said that I should finish the games, I wend and got the first three out and imma finish them =3
Yeah, it's case 3, and hes a gay chef. Maya calls him a she... HES SOOO CREEPY!!! In the last case is where you get to be Miles
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Phoenix: Trucy! Who have you been texting all this time?!
Trucy: IDK my BFF Mr. Hat?
but yesss I hear there is a case in game 3 (which i'm only on the second case of due to lazy and Apollo Justice... and fear of that guy who owns that restraunt who wears the pink SDKJHFGS TERROR) wheeere you get to play as Miiiiles. Is this truuuue?
Haha the first time I played I thought I wasn't smart enough XD. You have to finish the end, cause in 2-4... well, that one speaks for itself!
It is amazing, because all of the cases really pack a punch, not just the last. I think the last one isn't as great as the others, and Polly doesn't do much of the work through out the game.
OH YEAH HOBO!PHOENIX. More like DAMN HOT!
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Phoenix: Trucy! Who have you been texting all this time?!
Trucy: IDK my BFF Mr. Hat?
I'm so slow at beating them lawyer games. I'm too dumb for them xD =< I don't think I have actually FINISHED any of the PW games. I get like RIIIGHT to the end, then I quit (usually because the next one came out xD)
But liiiike yes, was Apollo Justice as amazing as I'm hoping it will be?
And HECK YES. I love them prosecutors. <33
And I also love Hobo!Phoenix. HOT DAMN.
Well, it's okay. Trolls have no life D:
Haha so do I X3
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Phoenix: Trucy! Who have you been texting all this time?!
Trucy: IDK my BFF Mr. Hat?
But yeeeah, sorry you had to get troll attacked =<
And sorry I can't make you that background (I suck at photoshop 8D)
Ohh, I didn't know. I don't even remember xD It was kind of a while ago, and I just remember seeing a really cute one :3
PS: I KNOW. Klavier is win :3
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Phoenix: Trucy! Who have you been texting all this time?!
Trucy: IDK my BFF Mr. Hat?
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Phoenix: Trucy! Who have you been texting all this time?!
Trucy: IDK my BFF Mr. Hat?
No kidding I don't have to do this. Get a life.
[link]
[link]
the fourth one on [link]
[link]
I like soft colors :]
So sorry, you don't actually have to do this
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Phoenix: Trucy! Who have you been texting all this time?!
Trucy: IDK my BFF Mr. Hat?
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